I’ve been through three churches now thinking that maybe the homophobia, sexism, and racism that I found at one point or another at each one was simply a product of that particular church.
I don’t think I’ve ever been a true Christian. I’ve wanted a sense of community with people the same kind other people in my small town had when I was growing up. I dreamt of knowing everyone’s name and feeling like I belonged somewhere and certain of what’s out there and who God is, but I’m just too curious to be a Christian. There are too many things that don’t make sense to me and too many people who use the label to bash and hate people who are different from them.
I can’t be a part of something that claims my brother, or friends, or anyone in the LGBTQ community are going to suffer eternally for being themselves or that people who think different or worship God differently are going to hell. I can’t be a part of something so harmful to women teaching them that their sexuality is evil and all of the world’s problems started with Eve.
I have a two year old daughter now. She’s learning from me every second of every day in every action I take or don’t take. Not only from me, but the world around her as well. I can’t keep her in an environment where people are trying to teach her to hate and fear those different than her even if it’s only on Sundays. There are 53 Sundays this year alone and she’s spent most of them at church which was fine when they were preaching love and tolerance and helping others, but the longer Trump has been President the less love is preached about and the more donating to the church and converting Muslims and taking away women’s rights to their body have been brought up. I’ve brought my concerns up and been told if I don’t believe those things I’m not a ‘true’ Christian, so I guess I’m not.
So this is me breaking up with Christianity. I might question too much to ever fit into one particular religion or maybe all of my questioning will lead me to a different path the one I’m suppose to follow. It’s hard to say.