I really wish I had mom friends. It’s hard being the first mom in a group of friends who want nothing more than to be parents. You can’t really vent because they’d give anything to have a beautiful little girl with them.

I wish I felt like I still belonged among them because they’ve always been work friends and I only work a couple times a week. I’m no longer in on all the office gossip.I miss all the cool events. I pretty much stay home or if I’m feeling adventurous do laundry or go to the dollar store across the street.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and not very inspired. I’m constantly bickering with Brandon he hasn’t done anything wrong, but we pretty much have to reorganize our entire house now because we can’t move because I’m still not able to function. Even when I’m at home there are long periods I just stare at nothing and Brandon snaps me out of it and I get annoyed even though I know he’s just worried. I get annoyed because I shouldn’t be zoning out randomly. I should be the super awesome mom I always assumed I would be. It’s frustrating to say the least.

My house should be spotless or at least reasonably organized so I can find the gripe water when my baby gets her first stomach ache. I should be stimulating her more with baby projects. I try to have her do one new thing a day I think she’ll enjoy even if it’s tissue paper in a box or taking a magnet on and off the fridge, but I always feel super crappy when I just set her down on the playmat and put some cartoon or cooking show on while I try to get things done. Sometimes I put her in the carrier and she ‘helps’ me with cleaning and organizing, but she’s a baby and has eczema and we aren’t one of those chemical free households. I don’t feel right holding her while scrubbing the tub down with scrubbing bubbles.

It would be different if I were staying home out of choice if it were something we had somewhat prepared for but it’s not. We have no extra money and the little bit I thought we would have this month so I could at least do something for Brandon’s birthday Sunday, but that didn’t happen. Thanks government for not giving me my money back after I went through all that trouble to file my taxes.

Oh and I haven’t even made a dent in baby proofing the house. All I have are outlet covers someone bought for me before Beatrice was born. I still need a baby gate and at least something to keep her out of the cabinets because the day is coming that she’s going to start crawling and I’m not even kind of prepared.

I know I’m lucky to have my daughter and Brandon. I just wish I didn’t feel like a failure ninety percent of the time

I’ve become somewhat used to people giving me unwanted advice and criticism since I found out I was pregnant with Beatrice. In one area of parenthood however pretty much everyone has agreed with me up until this point and that’s my choice to breastfeed. Everyone has been super supportive up until recently.

The reason? My choice not to wean Beatrice. She’s nearing six months now and a lot of people seem to think since she’s eating solids she needs to stop breastfeeding or at least do it less. I was expecting this at some point but not before she even hit the six month mark. Beatrice still nurses pretty much all day and nurses to sleep at night. She has oatmeal for breakfast and squash or whatever homemade baby food I have available for dinner if she wants it.

I want to breastfeed as long as she needs it and whenever she decides she’s done we’ll stop. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until age two though even beyond that breastfeeding has many benefits. It seems like most breastfed babies decide they’re done nursing around one and a half. I’ll leave the choice up to her and my body however and hopefully make it to one year.

Obviously breastfeeding isn’t right for everyone and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to formula at six months or whenever. I genuinely enjoy nursing and how close it’s brought us. Without even considering all the health benefits for both of us.

I never liked dealing with phone calls once I got my first computer and learned I could just im or email people. It slightly annoyed me when friends or relatives called. It was just always so forced at least on my end. I’m not a social person and when I’m home I like to have time to myself if I want to talk to my friends I make plans to hang out with them or talk to them next time I see them. There’s never been a phone call made to me that couldn’t of been said in person or in an email.

Maybe I’m just weird or socially awkward, but it really irks me when people call.Now it pisses me off for a whole new reason because people only ever call right as I’ve gotten the baby to sleep and they pretty much always wake her up. It doesn’t matter if my phone’s on silent or vibrate she has some kind of super sonic baby hearing and wakes up. It’s the same when I try to watch Mad Men with no sound and just subtitles Beatrice knows just magically and immediately must put a stop to it.

I have one of those super fancy quiet floppy keyboards I’m typing this up with right now and I can hear her yawning, farting, and rolling around she’s about two minutes away from demanding my attention. Which is totally understandable she’s a baby and I’m her main mode of transportation and her own personal liquid ice cream maker. I’m pretty popular with my daughter you know.

My main point in this post is if you’re calling a parent with an infant with super hearing and a spidey sense that parent is silently judging you.

 

 

We finally left the house yesterday to grocery shop and it was glorious. Beatrice was super fascinated by Aldi’s and all the colourful boxes and slept until 7am this morning, so I do think she had a bit of cabin fever. She’s in such a good mood today I think until the weather gets nicer and we can do more I’m going to try doing some of the projects I’ve pinned. Mostly the art related ones because we have enough crafts supplies to open our own hobby lobby.

I’ll let you know how that goes because playing with my scarves,her stacking cups, reading, and Sofia the First are getting really old to this kid. I think she’s going to be super happy this spring when we get out more than every other Sunday for church. Assuming we get a real spring because last year we just got a lot of snow.

It’s crazy to me that in no time at all Beatrice is going to be six months old. I’m already searching etsy for ideas for her party in September. She’s growing up so fast it’s not fair. Every day she’s learning something new and changing right before my eyes.